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awaken part 2 Heather was just about to sit down but froze. What?
Devin picked up a piece of paper and a pen off the table, he scribbled something down. What did I write?
Heather was shaking as she sat down. Atlas. she whispered.
Devin turned around the page, it had the word atlas on it. See, youre a psychic.
Heather shook her head slowly. No, Im a waitress......
Devin laughed. He put down the paper. Do you remember when I left highschool?
Heather looked at the piece of paper. Yeah, there was a fight, you and some guy off the street fought
breakAnother true day
Another clear though
Another sleepless night
deciding what is right
Todays first breath
Todays best friend
Todays long gone
leading to this song
A day worth living
A day for seeing
A day for dying
thats what Im trying
A statement for being
A statement for today
A statement I ignore
for you I dont adore
I awoke this morning
I awoke in a haze
I awoke in thought so deep
I did not truly sleep
For this I am thankful
For this I have thought
For what I decided
will not be divided
Im sorry youre in pain
Im sorry you could not see
Im sorry you feel this way
but with you I cannot stay
Soul DamageSoul Damage
I smoke weed and drink
I dont care what people think
it will kill my soul and rot my mind
but life rots you away by itself I find
everyone has a poison of choice
something to turn off the inner voice
that one that can echo through you
the one that is always so very true
to live in bliss is what I desire
so I live in sin down by hells fire
because you cannot love the light
unless that darkness inside you fight
that voice inside you do not heed
shedding fear one does not need
step forward and out of true fear
know that destiny is forever near
let not the weight of life be your death
struggle on with every single last breath
do what you want to remove the load
so in this place I will always abode
to drink and smoke the finest things
but they do not give me wings
they only help to drown the sorrow
so maybe I will be happy tomorrow
Final Hour Final hour
My world is not
just what it seems
as these memories
haunt my dreams
those better times
and little crimes
gave me the drive
to stay alive
because what is wrong
lasted so very long
I feel so used
now that Im refused
whats stuck in my head
is her in my bed
and what I feel I lost
was something without cost
its my dignity
and I want it back
so dont call me on
because Ill attack
I know youre weak
your secrets I will leak
till it gets back to you
then you are through
you cant ever have my pride
because youre not on my side
and I will not try
to win your eye
because its icy stare
shows me whats there
it tells me you dont know
how to r
Reason to stayReason To Stay
It's been days and weeks since thoughts of you have even crossed my mind
and I'm not going to lie these days and weeks have been ever so sublime
Well you had your chance and now it's gone so I guess you should have tried
Now I know I can go on with the rest of my life even though I thought I died
and if in years to come you find yourself standing at my front door
Then I'll have to tell you to your face that don't love you anymore
because long ago you had your chance and long ago I really tried
but the trouble is you dug yourself a grave when you up and lied
so don't forget about me because I know I wont forget about you
the reason I wont forget is because I learned what not to do
if you ever feel all alone or sad lying in your big empty bed
don't say your lonely because the truth just must be said
you could have been happy, you would never feel so lonely
you should have been smarter and you wouldn't have to say if only
now if you'll excuse me I have to be on my way
Lost dreamThese thoughts they swim in my head
Knowing one of these day's I'll end up dead
I roll the dice on another good time
and somehow winning is always a crime
If I don't have any obligation
then I'll just use my imagination
It doesn't matter what I do or how I try
the end results seems that I'm gonna fry
when I'm in control I seem to give it away
I know that in the end it's better this way
while I can't predict the madness
somehow there's always sadness
somehow I always come back to the table
there must be sucker written on my label
and when I pick up those dice
I know I better think twice
but I know I'll just throw them again
luck's gotta be on what I depend
I've got a million trys
but there's only one prize
and if you think you should roll for me
be my guest but I tell ya wait and see
because as you may guess and it may seem
in the end it's just another lost dream
momentso lets just sit here in this moment
I know you just might let it go
let me know what I should feel
I just don't know if you are real
I'll do what I must
to be in your trust
Not alone in chaos
our hearts not betray us
So hold on to that moment
I know that you might let it go
I know I can show you how I feel
I just hope that you are real
If in this game I decide to stay
by these rules I will not play
you know that you want me to win
becuase I am your favorite sin
So don't forget about our moment
I know you can always let go
If you want me to know how to feel
let me touch you and prove this is real
and when it crashes down
we wont hear the slightest sound
in my arms you will be
resting so comfortably
So remember the passion of the moment
I know you could just let go
I know just how I should feel
now that I know you're so real
Live just for today
because there is no other way
and if one day I fade away
know that my soul will forever stay
so if we sit here in this moment
Know that I might
letter of DDear (insert name)
Over the past (insert time) you and I have not been dealing with one and other well. It is in fact making life for me more difficult remaining in contact with you. You do not understand clearly enough that life is hard enough without you. As such this is a letter of disassociation. For reasons i feel no need to drag through the mud again, I know longer wish to talk, hear, see, touch, you or even be in your presence if I can help it. Clearly, we have both done some wrong things in this whole situation and it is best we no longer interact for (insert a time period, minimum 2 months). If you believe you need to talk to me, you are mistaken, life will go on without you talking to me. If you just want to talk with me, understand you can't always have what you want. This letter may be slightly rude, but it is better to have sent this then to keep bickering. I once cared about you deeply, and part of me still does care, that is the reason you actually get a letter like this
is it in me -redo-is it in me?
days like this are slowly turning more profound
I just don't know if I am standing on the ground
I was left here bleeding after I heard that aweful sound
I've been broken again by thoughts of you
I stand here wondering just what I should do
I shiver I shake and I know that it's so true
this world is spinning downward as I stair off into space
the person I have loved is gone and I am here left in disgrace
I know that it is over but I still dream about your face
Can I lift my heavy hand once more?
Will I lift myself up off the floor?
If I grasp the handle of the door?
Can I open up the door to see what lies ahead?
will I turn around and flee back to my blood soaked bed?
If I go back to the safety of pain that grips my head?
I wonder If it's in me or will I end up dead?
and in the end it was you I lost
I gambled and was put in the frost
once more it was my soul the cost
So I heard you wanted to make them like you?So I heard you had someone in mind
Perhaps something more intimate and
So I heard you wanted him to like you,
And I heard you didn't know what to do.
And so I heard you wanted a friend.
Or maybe just one..
And I heard from you, that you want me to like you too
but how, you ask?
you don't need to try.
I mean I heard you wanted to make them like
Wondering how getting the attention of that special someone works?
or perhaps just the friend, you know.
I'm no somebody and preferably just a nobody but
I heard you wanted someone to like you.
So be You.
Expensive LiesI sit and stare at the toilet bowl.
A guy I know is bulimic.
When we compliment him
I see the twist of agony in his eyes
as his brain reprograms it
to sound like an expensive lie
that costs him another tear
in his tattered dignity.
Friends hurry to him,
to reassure him, to love him.
They tell him how beautiful he is.
We didn't know him before,
but he's definitely not fat now.
We whisper things in concern like;
body dysmorphic disorder.
'I know you'll never believe me
but you are so gorgeous -
not just on the inside.' Not just.
And they're right, I join in,
because they are right to say it
because it happens to be true -
he is stunning. Not just on the outside.
And we want him to see himself
the way we see him, beautiful.
And I join in because
I've felt that strangle of pain
in my stomach, bowels and belly,
when someone used to tell me lies.
So I know how he feels.
Only, he is beautiful on the outside
and I'm not.
He's not seeing reality in the mirror
and I am.
And people rush to correc
BeautyI'd rather wear flowers in my hair,
forming a delicate chain
Than diamonds around my neck,
covering my tender blue veins
For with every precious petal
and every lucent leaf
I'm a living lesson
teaching beauty can not be bought
But rather it grows and flourishes
with every living thought
Fearing MeI'm not afraid to cry
and I do it
a lot more than you would guess.
It isn't always sadness,
I just feel like I need to,
feel everything so strongly
that it's the only way
to let go for a moment
because if I hold on for too long,
if my grip gets too tight
I'll break myself,
I will break you like glass
and we will both
I am a good guy
who hasn't yet found a way
to show it,
I am a good guy
who still identifies with the villains,
hides everything important
anything to throw you
off of my trail....
and I don't know why,
but I am trying.
Maybe I think
that if you could see me,
the real me,
you wouldn't want to look anymore,
want to be anywhere near me,
and the idea
that I can't add up
to be enough for you,
to be enough for me,
is so fucking heart breaking
I can hardly fathom it.
I can't say that it doesn't hurt
because it does,
it hurts a whole hell of a lot,
I've come to depend on pain,
to befriend misery
A Kiss not Forgotten (a special tribute)Like a frost spread across valleys silent and dreary,
ever my longing lost in shimmers of shadow & wind
And days bled into years, the seas became deserts
But thoughts of thee would not perish
Thru memories untamed I staggered far and long;
upon solemn nights lit by the torch of your soul
O’ how deep I miss your fragrant cheer ..
Of warm evenings shared across Lake’s reverie,
watching horizons journey into Autumn’s dream
— wherest our hearts once bloomed a fabled sky
Those passions shared will forsake me not
Lest the Moon would bestow solace upon my ache:
I will lay marooned, haunted by thy seraphic-figure,
Or the ever fleeting caress of your gaze ...
So my soul shall yield to this mythic abyss; –
as I peer from my carriage to Nirvana
And thou away, from my arms, the Sun weeps
Unto eternity—my dear beloved, we are entwined
Forever our footprints cast in golden firmament
A kiss not forgotten in a ballet of light softly falling
I now bear the want
you're just a question marki met you so long ago
but back then our bodies were made of metal
and nowadays they’re made of the blades of
grass and dirt settling
underneath my fingernails.
my fingers are having a hard time
reaching the keys and
my organs are shaking mostly because i haven’t
eaten in two days but also
because i’m worried about the things you're doing to yourself.
we didn’t meet very long ago at all but it feels like forever ago
and you say you don’t know me
that you don’t know anyone
but baby you're turning into a skeleton and i’m peeling back my skin
to try and reach my bones, just like you.
i hope you're happy,
i’m covering the hard wood floors now
the bits and pieces splattered.
they are calling it a suicide but i’m calling it
a way to see my brain and
just how dark it has become, and honestly
i don’t want you to try and see about your’s.
i’m mourning the loss of my heart and wish you weren’t either -
Black hole BulimicThe Composition:
I birth poems — not amaranths
in graveyards — not gardens.
sows seeds of doubt
into skeleton weeds.
A farmer plucks the bones
from Apollo's hyacinth; his
I binge on broken
cracked collectors of rocks,
of pebbles kidnapped
from barren beaches:
where crooked kings
buried in books whose
pages creak to crickets
in an abandoned abyss
of an attic—caskets on
an antiquated shelf. I
choke on the dust and
twitch in recoil.
The bickering sky
A cloud coughs—
The clock's scythe hand
swivels to the beckoning
twelve. Spastic ticking—
each bleak stroke
of a midnight heart.
The sundials do not work
now. The vampires know
I kill poems—
obligation steam machineas always
grinding the cankerous
of your cognition
until the lack of compassion
leaves you unlubricated
seized frozen bound stuck
only then the machine of
your fears will burst to steam
squealing to suckle
at the genius of my
the unsung soiled hero
of middle-class ferocity
savior of the undeserving
winding slowly deftly dying
martyr to the self-justified cause
as love for summer fades.late morning-
there's the tease of
snow in the clouds,
in the air, and the trees
have finally lost their
the sunlight is damp.
alters the room
as it graces my skin,
and for once
i don't wake up right away.
instead i lay
between my memory bitten
sheets, and i think
about all the times he said
that he hated winter.
i don't remember
when i began to love it,
and i don't care.
nothing can shatter that.
Pain hate and fear†††††Pain
It's in your eyes
It's no disguise
Not the way
You'll never say
This is how
Than a self war
It's in your head
You could be dead
Be holding you
Safe from hate
I'm not too late
I'll rescue you
You want me to
LithiumA single trickling rain drop
Like gossamer silk strands
Gliding along my third eye
Whispers wind's secret caress
I exhale. Lungs releasing-
Pressing translucent memories;
Fragment of a fragment
As water kisses rose petal,
Drifting down stream's curtain
Pretty little curtain.
Where the wizard lies.
He smiles up at me
With his monocled brow-
Sipping on warm tea
And fingers quacking casually
To the rhythm of his notes
This is a safe-zone. Free-zone.
Innocent eyes sparkle,
Imploring it to be true. I breathe.
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